inside jamari fox
inside jamari fox - taking you real deep
i was so tired earlier.
i fell asleep and woke up like it was a week day.
“FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
…and then i looked at my phone.
before i fell asleep tho,
i was thinking about this whole “work work” saga.
when i awoke,
i read the latest comments.
i have some “2am” thoughts…
when i write about my experiences with “work wolf”,
i can expect many various opinions about it.
its kinda like asking help on how to bake a cake.
when you ask a bunch of people how to bake a cake,
you are going to get different answers and techniques.
add this and that
turn the stove on first or wait until later
buy this and that
make sure you put sprinkles
some have more experience than others.
the thing is,
we all have done different things to get the outcomes we get.
when i add ingredients about work wolf to the foxhole,
some are going to say “yeah something is there”.
i will look “desperate” or “looking to get hurt” to others.
i can only type but so much.
i can’t type “actions” or every little thing when we interact in real time.
i only speak on the things that really stand out with us,
and like baking a cake,
it will bring about the “how to” or “don’t attempt” from the masses.
even tho he is my friend,
in my hearts of hearts,
he is confused AF.
i think he is attracted to me,
but at the same time,
he just isn’t ready.
some of us,
including myself,
have been there.
i also get the impression he has never done “this” before.
that leads to a constant back and forth.
some days he does a lot and others he pulls back.
i’m there in real time to witness it.
he likes the attention from me,
but i also like the attention from him.
i know.
weird.
so thats it.
i’m not gonna get defensive.
my feelings aren’t hurt.
i’ll be damned if i’m in comment boxes pulling fur and scratching eyes out.
some people agree and others don’t.
what can i do?
i could end up getting burned or get a really tasty treat.
however this cake is turning out in the end,
i’m proud of myself.
i did more than admire from afar as i usually do.
i’m getting my hands dirty.
i don’t give myself enough credit for simply just “trying”.
i’ll focus less on the ingredients and more on the joy of making it.
there is something special there that makes me happy.
even tho i can often times do too much in my own self critique,
i’m an animal who is entitled to make mistakes.
unlike others who live in perfectionism,
i’m not scared to have egg on my face.
thats the beauty of these situations we end up in.
you might burn the shit up,
waste your time and energy,
and have to start over,
but what did you learn tho?
or do you become bitter?
you have to learn something so you can give your recipe to someone else.
regardless of what happens,
how it happens,
or if it ever happens…
i’m satisfied either way.
deep down inside…
you are too because you’re still interested in how this all turns out.
night foxhole.