inside jamari fox inside jamari fox - taking you real deep
so i’m a cancer sun,
my moon sign is in virgo,
and i’m an aquarius rising.
that leads for some fun stuff up inside me:
cancer moon – emotional
virgo sun – critical of self
aquarius rising – detached; i come off chill and together
with all of that definitely comes with struggle.
i don’t know if anyone has been feeling this way but…
I have been feeling like I want to throw everything on the floor and walk away
in my head,
i’ve created a “doom time clock” that has me feeling on edge.
for the last two weeks,
i have felt like:
“You need to get a job!
You need to get a career!
You need to do something!
If you don’t,
you will be doomed!
Doomed,
I say!”
i’m sure that’s the cancer and virgo inside me having a battle.
my aquarius rising,
however,
wants to remove myself from the situation because i feel overwhelmed with anxiety.
my therapist said i need to feel the emotions,
but that’s difficult because i’m so use to intellectualizing how i feel.
it stemmed from how i was raised in such a strict caribbean household.
i wasn’t allowed to feel emotions because as a kid,
i should have already had it together apparently.
foxhole,
right now,
everything in the entire world is weird af.
the news is causing so much anxiety and depression within us.
if it ain’t about the rona,
we are watching black males getting hunted like animals in the forests.
i’m on unemployment,
but my fear is it will run out soon and i’ll be doomed.
i know i don’t want another regular job,
but i feel intimidated by my career.
so it has me at my breaking point and i feel like i don’t want to deal with it.
my gut wants me to just relax,
but i feel like i should be doing so much more.
These are the real stories of those during The Rona
some of us are trying to hold it together,
even though our heads make us feel like things will fall apart at any given moment.
the pretty vixen fonted me this during a conversation this morning:
if anyone else is feeling the same,
i’d love to hear from you.