inside jamari fox
inside jamari fox - taking you real deep
last night was an emotional one.
the first time i ever showed emotions in front of work wolf.
i got in at like 12:30am and went straight to bed.
it wasn’t like i didn’t have a ton of thoughts.
so last night,
work wolf and i had another outing and well…
(this is going to a long one)
so before we went to the movies,
we went and had a quick dinner.
the vixen who brought us to our seats,
i noticed he was checking her out something heavy.
she was pretty.
after the comments in the foxhole from yesterday,
it made me a little sad tho.
not the idea of him checking out vixens,
but could i be wrong about this entire thing?
was i about to look like an idiot?
did i play myself for all these months?
i brought up the idea of having drinks before we ate.
i needed something to help wind me down.
bad idea.
it was like the alcohol enhanced how sad i was.
he became relaxed and said whatever was on his mind.
“whats wrong?” he asked.
“i’m depressed.” i didn’t mean to be so honest,
but it came out.
“why?”
“i don’t want to talk about it.”
“is it a boyfriend?”
“nah.”
then he says:
“you just need some sex.”
i did.
secretly from him,
but i bit my tongue.
“that would be great right about now.”
so after we ate,
the vixen we met with last time met up with us at the restaurant.
work wolf paid for my meal and his.
as we were leaving.
i saw work wolf slip the vixen who seated us a piece of paper.
he didn’t see me.
i already assumed it was his number.
as we were walking,
i was quiet.
“jamari come over here.”
“why?”
“i don’t want to see you sad like this.
talk to me.
come talk to me.”
how could i tell him how i felt?
that definitely wasn’t gonna happen.
i went and stood next to him.
“the job is just stressing me out.
plus things with mi and other issues.”
i told the half truth.
the other half involving him was going to be my secret.
“are you going to leave me?
like if i got fired or leave this job,
will i ever hear from you again?” that likka had me all in my emotions
“i’m never leaving you.”
that made me feel secure with him.
i’m sure the vixen with us was wondering what was going on.
we were in our own world.
when we got to the theater,
he paid for my ticket and bought me a jumbo slushie.
i didn’t even have to ask.
we saw “dope” and it was actually really good.
we took the same train home and we started to talk.
as i looked at him,
i saw someone who is becoming a great friend to me.
i felt bad i even felt this way about him.
he revealed a lot about his life to me.
his past and things that bother him in his life.
he told me how depressed he gets as well.
i told him i didn’t believe him.
“you are always so happy and smiling.
flirting with all these females…”
“so you can’t do all that and be depressed?
i look at you the same and peep tonight”
i saw his point.
i think that’s why i find him so attractive.
he is damaged.
i mentioned something about liar liar during the convo.
he started talking about females and how they don’t matter to him.
“jamari.
how many times i gotta tell you?
she is a hoe.
i’m not interested in her like that.
we flirt because the girl got sex appeal,
but she a hoe.
im not trying to wife that.”
“why don’t i believe you?
i see the way you look at her.”
“this is the thing.
we got connected more than the other females at work.
all we did was talk about sex.
she a freak.
i joke about fuckin her when i see her.
if it happens,
i wouldn’t turn it down.
she text me sometimes,
but its all sex.
wifing her after everyone been in that?
not happening.”
i had to ask god why did he punish me like this?
why did he bring this great wolf,
who i am insanely attracted to in my life,
for him to be “straight”?
was i a hoe in my past life?
is this punishment in my next?
i don’t get it.
well he has already planned out us hanging out next week.
he wants to be around me any chance he gets.
“you know work wolf.
you are like my only straight wolf friend in my life right now.
i have another,
but we don’t really talk as much.”
“well you are my only gay friend.”
before he left the train,
he told me he wanted us to do more together.
he also wants to us travel together and other stuff.
i agreed.
he told me he doesn’t like it when i’m feeling sad.
did he think i did?
shit.
i felt blah the rest of the way home.
its funny.
i have a big piece of him that the vixens want.
too bad they get the little piece that i desire.
