inside jamari fox inside jamari fox - taking you real deep
the whole time i watched “killer inside: the mind of aaron hernandez“..
the documentary on netflix about what led to his downfall,
i couldn’t stop looking at one thing…
his eyes.
his eyes were the scariest thing to me.
i’ve always thought when i saw pictures and videos of him,
especially ones inside the court room,
they always looked blank and soulless.
like,
there is nothing behind them.
he showed no remorse during the trail for the murder of odin lloyd.
even when he was found guilty,
it was like “oh ok whatever“.
after watching the documentary,
it explained a lot to me.
Aaron Hernandez was a true ass psychopath
he was able to live as a chameleon to hide who he truly was.
from his alleged confusion about his bisexuality,
to being a stone cold killing jackal,
he spent his life wearing different fur to hide who he truly was.
when he got around “like-minded” people,
it only enhanced who he truly was.
“show me your friends and i’ll show you who you are”?
i feel like once his father died,
and his ain’t shit mother made horrible decisions,
it took him on a downward spiral towards madness.
another thing that made me smh:
He wasn’t very smart
it was like he went on impulse rather than common sense.
how could you kill someone so close to your crib?
he left so much evidence behind on the crime scene with odin llyod.
it was like he wanted to get caught.
we will never know why he killed odin lloyd.
there was a side of me that thought they were allegedly messing around.
another side thinks odin said something and activated paranoia within aaron.
sidebar: am i the only one who thinks weed can bring forth intense paranoia?
according to the documentary,
aaron alleged used to burn it down on the regular.
between his cte and the smoking,
i feel that didn’t help.
this story goes to show two things:
the first was that you don’t truly know people.
folks out here wear masks.
they present one side of themselves to the “us”,
but can have some whole other shit going on in the background.
a good looking wolf like aaron was so damaged and troubled,
but folks would never have known.
he portrayed the baller wolf that was mysterious and charming.
the second was that if you clearly look at people’s lives,
you can see the places where shit takes a sharp turn left.
everyone has had traumatic shit that happened(s),
but the wrong people and decisions can ruin us.
right after my mother’s death,
i went wild and was out here running with drug dealers.
i was wearing the mask of “trying to be straight” to hang with them too.
there was a point i nearly got caught up and arrested with them.
if i didn’t have the folks who pulled me to the side,
who knows where i would have ended up.
it’s all so fascinating to me.
it makes me wonder if aaron had taken the right path,
would he have had this outcome?
it’s sad that we will never know.