inside jamari fox inside jamari fox - taking you real deep
Is it God or the devil that tests us?
have you ever wished things came easier like it does for other people?
like,
you had a pretty chill life with minimal bs being throw at you?
i know that’s silly to think that,
but i’m tired of being tested.
better yet…
I’m tired of being tested on things that I already took
i think that’s what disappointing me.
i should know better,
but i fuck up anyway.
i’m starting to think i’m just a fuck up.
it makes me feel like i’m not smart enough to handle being tested.
There goes my mother’s voice in my ear
so there are two vixens that were going through it at work.
their bosses were absolute demons to them and it genuinely hurt me.
i prayed and wrote for their protection in my “gratitude” journal.
it took nothing but a couple weeks before things changed for them.
when i see them,
they look so happy and are glowing now.
heir bosses have started treating them better.
it was such a quick turnaround.
it made me happy to see them out of the torment.
the crazy thing is…
I wrote the same thing for myself and I’m going through absolute hell
i’m getting hit in all angles.
it feels like i’m at my lowest physically,
spiritually,
emotionally,
and mentally.
things are horrible foxhole.
it feels like i have something weighing on my soul that i can’t shake.
i don’t understand why i’m getting tested so hard.
i feel i’m always at the sidelines being tested,
while others are living these amazing lives.
as of late,
my spirit is so broken foxhole.
i’ve been crying,
i have no appetite,
and my anxiety is at it’s peak.
don’t even get me started on missing my parents and star fox.
Is God or the devil trying to destroy me?
i can’t take it anymore.