inside jamari fox inside jamari fox - taking you real deep
we all live in a bubble of what we think we act like to other people.
since we are inside our own bodies,
we only control from behind the wheel.
the way we:
walk
talk
react
…is all from the control panel in our heads.
when we look in the mirror,
we might see a version we accept,
but that isn’t the true image of who we are.
it isn’t until there is a camera on us that we really see who we are.
when you see yourself on your camera,
you’re fly shit,
but as soon as you’re on someone else’s view,
you see see you truly act/look outside of yourself.
it can be a real culture shock.
some are okay with who they are.
the rest of us…
as much as i think i’m secure with myself,
i get knocked tf back down by my heavy insecurities.
i’m always face to face with something i hate about myself.
it always makes me to wonder…
Why would someone ever love me?
my nose is huge
my head shape is weird
my smile is ugly
my body language is extremely awkward
i was at a company event today and saw those things on someone’s camera today.
Yuck.
yet,
when i look at others from my job on camera,
they look so good.
they are so chill and photogenic when a camera is out.
i don’t know how to feel natural in front of a camera that isn’t my own.
i’m always feeling insecure about how i’m going to come off.
when i see myself,
i see all the negatives i think about me in plain view.
Do any other foxholers feel the same way when you see yourself onscreen?
isn’t it the pits?
lowkey: this could be body dysphoria typing too…
…because this is a legit representation of how i feel.